#beingisraelite

 I've been an Israelite. 

I've walked through the Red Sea and saw how God parted it for me, I've seen His deliverance many times, I've been fed manna and drank His life-giving water. Yet, as I walk through the wilderness, I forget the good He's done for me. I start to complain, challenge and question. As one of the church leaders shared about Numbers 21:4-8, it exposed my heart. Each time I read the old testament, I'm so determined not to be an Israelite. Yet, after reading it over and over and hearing the message, I finally see it better- I am an Israelite and have always been one! The human heart is the same, after all those years between the original Israelites and us now. The greed, selfishness, ungratefulness, unfaithfulness... 

Yet, God loves us just the way we are. I am comforted that He has provided a way out of this and true forgiveness just by looking at Jesus. It is really the message for the season I am in now - waiting to return to SG, starting work again, wondering what's with COVID in the world (and why He seems silent). Even though He is quiet, He is working. The wilderness/waiting that is a necessary part for me to grow.

He has been showing me little glimpses of Himself in everyday little blessings. We got called for our first COVID shot. We had a friend who was able to watch E for us even though E was a little sick that day. I thought that when 2 of our SG friends returned, that we would be lonely since we hung out together so often. However, God has sent us new friends whom we have been playing with and E is enjoying himself tons. I suddenly realised few weeks back (#randomshowerthoughts) that my chronic urticaria has completely resolved and I haven't seen an attack for some months now! My sister ordered high tea for me for mother's day! 💓

And I ordered summiko gurashi cookie cutters so I could bake cookies and destress 😋 they are super kawaiiiii!!

It's been awhile...

 It's been busy with the end of the posting drawing nearer. Didn't even realize it's been more than a month since i last posted. M has been trying to clear leave so we had some family time together and it was nice. We have also been hanging out with more kids from school, weather permitting. 

For myself, it's been challenging having to die to self and lose control. When things haven't gone the way they were planned and it's been constant disappointment after disappointment. Yet, this is the lesson the Lord has been constantly bringing before me- surrender. Letting go of my wants/desires/my ideas of perfection and letting Him have His way. There are so many ingrained ideas that needs to be stripped away. It's been painful and so much tears month after month, even after i thought i've let them go, only to find them resurfacing. Yet, each time, after a good cry, He's there for me. Like a good parent who withholds certain things, I am challenged to trust that He knows best. Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." So many things we won't be able to know on this side of life, but i pray for faith and obedience to follow as He leads.

Amidst my heartbreak, I am thankful for many things. That both M and I can attend the marriage and parenting course set up by our church in France. It's been wonderful journeying with the other couples/parents and so timely too (before we leave). For E, who's growing up too fast. He picked a bunch of wildflowers for me on Saturday and it absolutely melted my heart. 💓 These little glimpses of God's love and care are really helping me walk on in the rain. I need to grow a heart of contentment. Forgive me, Lord.