COVID can't steal Christmas!

The month is flying by... This year, we got ourselves advent calendars for entertainment. Never heard of them before we came to Geneva. Then last Christmas, we saw these cute little things that help to count down to Christmas but it was too late then. So this year we got some and i think we overdid it a little. 😂 It seemed like yesterday we opened Day 1... It's now Day 22. 

  It was fun doing them together with E. It was our family bonding activity every evening.

Next week, it'll be new year. However, this month I've already started to try and figure out what's happened this year and where i am spiritually. The start of the month brought some turmoil as i struggled to believe that God was really enough for me. However, God has not left me to deal with the deceitful feelings of my heart alone. Thankfully, in His great love and mercy, before i acknowledged i needed Him, He gave Jesus to save me (Eph 2:4-5). My heart will still ache at unanswered prayers and i am struggling from time to time to believe He is enough. Yet, to know that He knows how much i struggle and yet still loves me... 

Christmas is way quieter than it was last year. However, COVID ain't taking Christmas away because it can't take Jesus away. In a way, i'm thankful for COVID stealing away what Christmas is not supposed to be about- parties, christmas markets, etc.

Amazing puff pastry!!

The last few weeks i suddenly had some rush of inspiration again! With puff pastry. 

Mille feuille

Fruit puff

Char Siu Soh

Puff pastry is the best!! I'm so going to miss it when i go home... 

December and the Christmas tree

 Yesterday was the start of December. It's scary thinking of how time flies. I know i've said it many times but i still feel compelled to say it again. Last weekend, we went to get our real Christmas tree and spent the day decorating it. When we were at the shop, i reminisced about how i was so reluctant to get a real tree last year since we never had one before- how we were gonna keep it alive for a month, if it would attract some bugs into the house, how to dispose the tree blah blah... This year, i was really excited. I'm a convert. Plus i told M, it's our last Geneva Christmas so let's go all out. Then he looked at me and said "it may not be..." I glared at him. We are due for home next year and M has been talked to by bosses on each side about the end of posting. This has been on our nightly prayer list, that God would make straight the paths so that we don't have to go through the agony of deciding what to do. 

Anyhow, the tree was put up and we had so much fun decorating it! E was particularly well behaved until sunday night... Actually it wasn't completely his fault. He was just being a kid. M was in the room attending cell group on Zoom. I was cooking dinner and E was playing on his own. He was really excited about the tree so he stood up on the Poang kids' armchair and pretended his reindeer soft toy was munching at the leaves. I was busy and my back was facing him. I could only hear him saying "Mama see the reindeer loves the leaves so he is eating all of it... crunch crunch crunch..."

And then DISASTER. THE TREE FELL OUT OF THE STAND. It's 1.85m, taller than me and pretty heavy. It came crashing down, shortly missing the dining table. I panicked because i knew M would flip. On hindsight, i was ashamed that i didn't thank God first that E wasn't hurt. I was just so mad with the kid. Poor thing, at first he laughed but he started to cry when he saw how mad i was. He got the vacuum and helped clear the fallen leaves. Thankfully too, the fragile glass ornaments fell on the carpet and nothing broke. They were all collected from our travels.

What was hilarious was how good he was for the rest of the night. He stayed away from the tree and M put the tree back and quickly returned to the Zoom meeting, promising to return at dinner and give E a good scolding. E was so worried and i told him that if remained good till dinner and let me cook in peace, i would put in a good word for him later when his father returned. He kept bugging me and telling me he heard footsteps and that Papa was coming (all imaginations of his mind). I almost went mad telling him not to freak out and that i will help him. This kid... so maddening and yet so lovable at the same time. 😖

Thanksgiving and my teenager

My thanksgiving for last week- God saved me from a near car accident. After dropping M at work, i was on the way home. I assumed i had the right of way going straight but a car from the side road was coming out pretty fast. I was thinking i should stop and let him go, but i had some body-brain disconnection when i was panicking. My foot was stuck on the accelerator. Half of me thinking i had to stop, half of me thinking i had the right of way. 😱😱😱

Good thing he stopped and i passed. He was almost into the right side of the car. He horned me so badly. I deserved it. I froze in the car thinking of what could have been if he had not stopped. It scares me. God's grace is immeasurable. Whenever i think of how i'm living on borrowed time, i'm not upset when disruptions come or when i don't feel efficient. It's a reminder of how I should be living everyday. It's my daily battle but this wake up call helped me get into perspective again.

It helped me also be more patient with my teenager 😆. I can't understand this boy... He got a smack on his bottom for throwing a tantrum and he asks me defiantly "i am your child so why do you beat me?"??! Madness. I had no answer for that. All i could think of was how i never asked my mom this question so how does this guy come up with this?? Yesterday he asked me what was for lunch and i told him "spinach mushroom quesadillas". His reply was "why we always eat that?"..... 😕 teenager in a toddler's body. 

Finding contentment

 Recent unanswered prayers have really tested if I could do what Habakkuk says- rejoice when everything is barren. Can I really say, like Paul, "...for I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances" (Phil 4: 11)? Indeed, my joy had been based on external circumstances. I could not smile or feel content. It is a especially hard week. God really has a way of exposing our weak foundations. I need to rebuild my house on the solid rock. 

The COVID cases here are rising still and death rates going up now too. Some of our SG friends are returning. We will be stuck at home for awhile so book depository has been our great go-to. Can't wait for the parcels to arrive, they bring such joy in this dreary season. Haha.... Superficial joy, again!! When will I ever learn... I need to stand on solid ground.

Updates...

The last few weeks have been crazy. I've been so tired and kept putting off writing an entry.

M had this toothache that began on one side and would not go away. He was on painkillers like sweets! So eventually, he reluctantly went to the dentist. He was happy that the tooth didn't crack and the pain was caused by 2 cavities. Then the other side started aching too and he went to see another dentist who told him it was gum infection?! I didn't think a gum infection could cause so much pain. He came back from the second visit and got severe vertigo for the whole afternoon. I think it's vestibular neuritis but i cannot link like how it was right after he got back from the dentist. Really thank God it resolved the next day. I was so afraid that i might have had to drive him to see a doctor at hospital.

On the home front, my baking madness resumes... Cream puffs, eclairs and macarons! 😄 The eclairs were a flop so i have no pictures of it.

Macarons are so hard but i keep wanting to try them again. Thankful for neighbors and friends to help share the sugar... 

The virus situation is escalating here. I'm thankful that school isn't closing. It is a bit scary thinking how Geneva is one of the worse cantons. However, God has been watching over us so we just need to keep trusting. 

I am encouraged by Habakkuk 3:17-19:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen or cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of the deer, He enables me to tread on the heights."

Because He loves you...

The parenting struggle continues... But, i am not defeated yet. This passage really uplifted me and made me see that i was not resting in my vertical identity (a child of God, and deeply loved) and i believe it pertains not just to parenting, but to every other thing/area in life we have tried to seek identity in apart from who we are in God.

" As a Christian parent, no matter what is happening with your kids, you can wake up in the morning and know that you are deeply and faithfully loved by the most important person in the universe. Because God loves you, He has not left you to your own wisdom, strength and resources. Because He loves you, He will never forsake you in your parenting struggle. Because He loves you, He has connected you to things that are vastly bigger than you. Because He loves you, He not only forgives you, but He also gives you the grace to do better. Because He loves you, He works daily to grow and change you so you are better able to do what He's called you to do. Because He loves you, He works to satisfy your heart and fill you with joy that doesn't depend on circumstances. He loves you so much that He has come to live inside you. He doesn't just make promises to you; He is present with you in all His power, grace, and glory so that you can have a peace of heart, purpose and direction, and courage to face your parenting day."

Parenting, by Paul David Tripp