#beingisraelite

 I've been an Israelite. 

I've walked through the Red Sea and saw how God parted it for me, I've seen His deliverance many times, I've been fed manna and drank His life-giving water. Yet, as I walk through the wilderness, I forget the good He's done for me. I start to complain, challenge and question. As one of the church leaders shared about Numbers 21:4-8, it exposed my heart. Each time I read the old testament, I'm so determined not to be an Israelite. Yet, after reading it over and over and hearing the message, I finally see it better- I am an Israelite and have always been one! The human heart is the same, after all those years between the original Israelites and us now. The greed, selfishness, ungratefulness, unfaithfulness... 

Yet, God loves us just the way we are. I am comforted that He has provided a way out of this and true forgiveness just by looking at Jesus. It is really the message for the season I am in now - waiting to return to SG, starting work again, wondering what's with COVID in the world (and why He seems silent). Even though He is quiet, He is working. The wilderness/waiting that is a necessary part for me to grow.

He has been showing me little glimpses of Himself in everyday little blessings. We got called for our first COVID shot. We had a friend who was able to watch E for us even though E was a little sick that day. I thought that when 2 of our SG friends returned, that we would be lonely since we hung out together so often. However, God has sent us new friends whom we have been playing with and E is enjoying himself tons. I suddenly realised few weeks back (#randomshowerthoughts) that my chronic urticaria has completely resolved and I haven't seen an attack for some months now! My sister ordered high tea for me for mother's day! 💓

And I ordered summiko gurashi cookie cutters so I could bake cookies and destress 😋 they are super kawaiiiii!!

It's been awhile...

 It's been busy with the end of the posting drawing nearer. Didn't even realize it's been more than a month since i last posted. M has been trying to clear leave so we had some family time together and it was nice. We have also been hanging out with more kids from school, weather permitting. 

For myself, it's been challenging having to die to self and lose control. When things haven't gone the way they were planned and it's been constant disappointment after disappointment. Yet, this is the lesson the Lord has been constantly bringing before me- surrender. Letting go of my wants/desires/my ideas of perfection and letting Him have His way. There are so many ingrained ideas that needs to be stripped away. It's been painful and so much tears month after month, even after i thought i've let them go, only to find them resurfacing. Yet, each time, after a good cry, He's there for me. Like a good parent who withholds certain things, I am challenged to trust that He knows best. Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." So many things we won't be able to know on this side of life, but i pray for faith and obedience to follow as He leads.

Amidst my heartbreak, I am thankful for many things. That both M and I can attend the marriage and parenting course set up by our church in France. It's been wonderful journeying with the other couples/parents and so timely too (before we leave). For E, who's growing up too fast. He picked a bunch of wildflowers for me on Saturday and it absolutely melted my heart. 💓 These little glimpses of God's love and care are really helping me walk on in the rain. I need to grow a heart of contentment. Forgive me, Lord.

March (much) happenings

 The last few weeks have not been great but it's really teaching me to reflect on where true joy and satisfaction can be found. Was listening to the UCB (Geneva) radio today and a speaker said that trials and tribulations turn us from the temporal satisfaction of earthly joys, and leads us to find eternal satisfaction and joy that Jesus gives. It's hard truth and i am still trying to grasp it.

Our neighbors are returning to SG end of this month too. 😕 I'm sad to say goodbye but yet aware that we will be returning ourselves soon. I'm looking forward, yet so afraid all at the same time. Perhaps, that contributes to all the confusion and anxiety i have been struggling with. 

I've been very much into embroidery recently. It's been enjoyable making small projects. E even requested for a pattern for his favourite blankie!

Of course, the baking continues. I have to start clearing out things i bought and cannot finish using! Made PB rice krispies bars, brownies and orange chiffon cake. Clearly my stress levels have been high!! I've been going mad on the sweets.

The next few weeks will be bleak because we have to bid our friends goodbye. Then, we shall slowly start planning our own relocation. We found a school for E and he will start in September! I have to remind myself, step by step... and trust that just as the Lord led Israel as a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night, He leadeth me...

E turns 4!

 We just celebrated E's birthday over CNY. He was requesting for a rainbow cake and i decided to accept the challenge! I studied several recipes since January and finally decided on one. It took me an entire morning and afternoon to make 6 layers with 2 cake pans. I was popping in and out for other errands in between so i was super stressed. I never made buttercream successfully before either so i was really worried it wouldn't turn out well. Whilst trying to level one of the layers, the knife slipped and shaved off the skin and a small part of nail of my right thumb. 😣 it was a bit hard to stop the bleeding. I was so worried the cake won't be done on time. Alas, i am happy to announce i did it!!

Seeing the smile on his face and how happy he was, every ounce of sweat/stress/blood was worth it. He was beaming so proudly. 😊😍 Time flies, i cannot believe he's 4. He's growing up too fast. He is such a blessing from the Lord.

The weekend brought unexpected weather changes too. It snowed crazily on friday and we had a nice walk on saturday in the park. Really beautiful... Probably the last snowfall we will see for a long time. But a season for everything, as it says in Ecclesiastes. I pray i may learn to let go and embrace the changes that await.  

CNY in Geneva

 This will be our second CNY here. Missing the CNY snacks at home and company. Tried my hand at more CNY snacks this year. I'm proud to say that most were edible and people really liked the almond cookies! It was nice bringing smiles amidst the gloomy atmosphere of winter and worsening COVID rates.

Almond cookies

Crispy Nori snack

Fried crabsticks - but not really crispy

Looking forward to receiving the special food parcel from home! 💖😃

2 weeks ago, France decided that people who enter need to get a PCR test done. So the day before we rushed to get our CNY food from the asian grocer and stood in line for 45mins to pay! Thankful that our SG neighbor also has 2 refrigerators so we could keep the food there. Sigh! When will this madness end?? Thank God for His providence, the promise of His presence and His perspective. Wishing all you lovelies a happy and safe lunar new year. 

The start of 2021

 I decided E needed a haircut before school opens... #mybad 😭😱😲 He squirmed a little but the final part when I shaved off half his fringe was because i became too ambitious. M was horrified. So was I. I could not look at him for awhile, waves of guilt wash over me each time he grins at me... I am the worst mom ever, I think to myself. He looks like a kid with tinea capitis (fungal infection of the scalp).  

Poor kid, still doesn't know what has happened...

Made this for New Year's dinner with our friends, nasi lemak!

We made some good friends here and they will be returning to SG in April... Will miss their company for a few months. Each time we meet up for dinner and talk about the impending return, it's a bit sad. They had to run some errands that day and left their kid with me for the morning. We made minion cupcakes together- it was not too chaotic. PHEW!!

Holiday feasts

 On Christmas eve, we had some friends over and we are happy to announce that we can make our own baked ham and roast beef! We spent the week stressing about the dinner and we even got a thermometer probe to get the cooking right. I was in charge of the ham and M did the beef. It was good. Haha but when I get back to SG, chances are I would just order it from Cold Storage!! 😄

My ham with apricot glaze, like the deco??

M's roast beef

Krispie Christmas Tree!

Spaghetti meatball ring

We also went to the Asian supermarket and bought stuff to make our own HK Cha Chan Teng 😂. We had a crazy time laughing as we joked and heated up all the ready made dim sums and set the table. All to the sound of chinese restaurant music (instrumental guzheng type, you get what i mean!).

So that was the holidays for us. We were home mostly but it was nice. My in laws sent us a Christmas present which kept M and i busy for almost a week. It was difficult because the resolution was poor. We had to give up eventually because of the white bit of sky on the top left corner- every piece looked the same and it was impossible to fit everyone of them perfectly!! So frustrating!!

It was a cool gift though- a picture of the 3 of us in Vatican City