Thanksgiving and my teenager

My thanksgiving for last week- God saved me from a near car accident. After dropping M at work, i was on the way home. I assumed i had the right of way going straight but a car from the side road was coming out pretty fast. I was thinking i should stop and let him go, but i had some body-brain disconnection when i was panicking. My foot was stuck on the accelerator. Half of me thinking i had to stop, half of me thinking i had the right of way. 😱😱😱

Good thing he stopped and i passed. He was almost into the right side of the car. He horned me so badly. I deserved it. I froze in the car thinking of what could have been if he had not stopped. It scares me. God's grace is immeasurable. Whenever i think of how i'm living on borrowed time, i'm not upset when disruptions come or when i don't feel efficient. It's a reminder of how I should be living everyday. It's my daily battle but this wake up call helped me get into perspective again.

It helped me also be more patient with my teenager 😆. I can't understand this boy... He got a smack on his bottom for throwing a tantrum and he asks me defiantly "i am your child so why do you beat me?"??! Madness. I had no answer for that. All i could think of was how i never asked my mom this question so how does this guy come up with this?? Yesterday he asked me what was for lunch and i told him "spinach mushroom quesadillas". His reply was "why we always eat that?"..... 😕 teenager in a toddler's body. 

Finding contentment

 Recent unanswered prayers have really tested if I could do what Habakkuk says- rejoice when everything is barren. Can I really say, like Paul, "...for I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances" (Phil 4: 11)? Indeed, my joy had been based on external circumstances. I could not smile or feel content. It is a especially hard week. God really has a way of exposing our weak foundations. I need to rebuild my house on the solid rock. 

The COVID cases here are rising still and death rates going up now too. Some of our SG friends are returning. We will be stuck at home for awhile so book depository has been our great go-to. Can't wait for the parcels to arrive, they bring such joy in this dreary season. Haha.... Superficial joy, again!! When will I ever learn... I need to stand on solid ground.

Updates...

The last few weeks have been crazy. I've been so tired and kept putting off writing an entry.

M had this toothache that began on one side and would not go away. He was on painkillers like sweets! So eventually, he reluctantly went to the dentist. He was happy that the tooth didn't crack and the pain was caused by 2 cavities. Then the other side started aching too and he went to see another dentist who told him it was gum infection?! I didn't think a gum infection could cause so much pain. He came back from the second visit and got severe vertigo for the whole afternoon. I think it's vestibular neuritis but i cannot link like how it was right after he got back from the dentist. Really thank God it resolved the next day. I was so afraid that i might have had to drive him to see a doctor at hospital.

On the home front, my baking madness resumes... Cream puffs, eclairs and macarons! 😄 The eclairs were a flop so i have no pictures of it.

Macarons are so hard but i keep wanting to try them again. Thankful for neighbors and friends to help share the sugar... 

The virus situation is escalating here. I'm thankful that school isn't closing. It is a bit scary thinking how Geneva is one of the worse cantons. However, God has been watching over us so we just need to keep trusting. 

I am encouraged by Habakkuk 3:17-19:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen or cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of the deer, He enables me to tread on the heights."

Because He loves you...

The parenting struggle continues... But, i am not defeated yet. This passage really uplifted me and made me see that i was not resting in my vertical identity (a child of God, and deeply loved) and i believe it pertains not just to parenting, but to every other thing/area in life we have tried to seek identity in apart from who we are in God.

" As a Christian parent, no matter what is happening with your kids, you can wake up in the morning and know that you are deeply and faithfully loved by the most important person in the universe. Because God loves you, He has not left you to your own wisdom, strength and resources. Because He loves you, He will never forsake you in your parenting struggle. Because He loves you, He has connected you to things that are vastly bigger than you. Because He loves you, He not only forgives you, but He also gives you the grace to do better. Because He loves you, He works daily to grow and change you so you are better able to do what He's called you to do. Because He loves you, He works to satisfy your heart and fill you with joy that doesn't depend on circumstances. He loves you so much that He has come to live inside you. He doesn't just make promises to you; He is present with you in all His power, grace, and glory so that you can have a peace of heart, purpose and direction, and courage to face your parenting day."

Parenting, by Paul David Tripp

Much needed grace

 Getting E to go back to school has not been easy. The first 2 mornings involved much tears and struggles. Just to get him out of bed and to school drains me of every ounce of energy. However, that's not the end. Getting home after school is when the real pain begins. Crying and wanting to be carried all the way up from the carpark to the home, and then to lunch. At 3.5 years old, i can't carry him like i used to. He would protest all the way - changing out to home clothes, taking a wee, washing his hands and sitting down to eat. It got particularly bad on tuesday- we had this crazy yelling match. It was the first day of my period, to top it all off. It went on for 20 mins and took 5 buttock smackers to conclude. Pure madness. When he finally recovered, I was angry, yet guilty and sorry at the same time. That clash of self-righteousness and unworthiness...

I started reading this book by Paul David Tripp on "Parenting: 14 gospel principles". I think it's an understatement to say that i need it. Anyhow, i found encouragement within the first few chapters to share. I do believe that God uses marriage and parenting to reveal our hearts to us. The challenges of the last 1 year have shown me that. The good news is that "If you read your Bible carefully, you will understand that God doesn't call able people to do important things. Abraham wasn't able. Moses wasn't able. Gideon wasn't able. David wasn't able." "It (the Bible) is the story of how God meets weak and failing people with His powerful grace." (Quotes taken from the book)

Thankful for His grace, for second chances, and that God would not have engaged in a yelling match like i did (even if i deserved worse than that)...

Goodbye summer...

M took last week off and we made a small trip to Zermatt (finally!!) and back to Lauterbrunnen. We had to make the best use of the last few weeks of summer!! We did short 1-2 hour hikes for 3 days consecutively. I can imagine why people never want to go home and how they just live for summers every year. Even though the sun is blazing hot, the mountain air and scenery is amazing. We were thankful too that E managed to walk most of the time. We just had to keep the chitchat going and pretend we were trains. 😆

We spent the last 2 nights in Lauterbrunnen, which we went already on the first trip. However, we rushed through then and missed the beauty of the waterfalls. This time, M booked a beautiful place with the balcony opening up to the view of the Stubbach falls. 😍 and i love the sounds of the funny cowbells tinkling as if we are in the Ricola commercial. 

The weather is turning cold and E just started school again yesterday. Time to work again!! Goodbye summer, we hope to see you again next year...

We're back!

 Time flies!! It's been a good home stay for us and celebrating my birthday. 😊 All the birthday treats i got from family and friends and being pampered. Really thank God for the opportunity to be home even for a short time. Managed to do most of the things i wanted to also despite having to take the Derm exam so late. We were due to return only on 9th August but we realised that the Swiss authorities decided to put SG up in their compulsory quarantine list from 8th August onwards. So when the announcement came out, we decided to cut short the stay and leave the next night. We got home on the 7th August. Phew!! 😌 The thought of another 10 days in the bedroom with E... NOOOO!!!

The last minute packing and rushing to get all the things i wanted to bring home was mad. However, seeing M nearly cry when he eat the ba-chang made it all worth it!